Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
