I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
