He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
