my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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