I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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