I will die if light touches me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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