I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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