Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
