Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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