Betty ford says i'm here all night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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