I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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