In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
