I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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