They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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