just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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