3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
