I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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