I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
