There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
