You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
