Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's always time for handjobs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
