Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
