A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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