Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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