We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
