youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
