Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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