Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
