Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
