i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
