do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My ATM looks so different sober.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
