Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
