You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
