So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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