Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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