last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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