No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
