Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
