Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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