dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
