Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.