saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My Sexting was not on an AP level