Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Thanks for throwing up on me.

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(859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night. (1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me. http://tfl.nu/msvj

Replies (3) Good night (666) Bad night (1233)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Since when is my name a synonym for head?

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(908): Since when is my name a synonym for head? http://tfl.nu/s1ks

Replies (40) Good night (3672) Bad night (1481)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.

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(843): No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear. http://tfl.nu/va6s

Replies (47) Good night (4896) Bad night (822)
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(636): View more from Missouri

No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.

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(636): No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from. http://tfl.nu/d5gf

Replies (4) Good night (1134) Bad night (3123)
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(813): View more from Florida

I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious

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(813): I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious http://tfl.nu/g6os

Replies (3) Good night (1721) Bad night (817)
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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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(315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3

Replies (8) Good night (2162) Bad night (875)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.

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(978): rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home. http://tfl.nu/3qi1

Replies (8) Good night (1299) Bad night (701)
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(310): View more from California

Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

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(310): Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12 http://tfl.nu/ovmd

Replies (3) Good night (1559) Bad night (579)
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(510): View more from California

A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

(1-510): View more from California

Berkeley was the right choice

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(510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d

Replies (6) Good night (1643) Bad night (564)
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(440): View more from Ohio

That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"

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(440): That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone" http://tfl.nu/gip2

Replies (7) Good night (703) Bad night (1529)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."

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(814): He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van." http://tfl.nu/71uy

Replies (5) Good night (1480) Bad night (602)
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(540): View more from Virginia

margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..

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(540): margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted.. http://tfl.nu/mj6g

Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (823)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

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(570): I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day. http://tfl.nu/mbwl

Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (373)
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(224): View more from Illinois

After this week, alcohol is mandatory.

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(224): After this week, alcohol is mandatory. http://tfl.nu/g89u

Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (172)
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(786): View more from Florida

I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.

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(786): I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad. http://tfl.nu/o6u0

Replies (0) Good night (166) Bad night (215)

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