So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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