Cold hands, warm shart.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a search helicopter?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
