Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

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  (248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei
  Replies (8) Good night (2194) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.

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  (505): I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/qapf
  Replies (48) Good night (4156) Bad night (3090)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"

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  (269): Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision" http://tfl.nu/cg26
  Replies (3) Good night (2240) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.

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  (781): I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path. http://tfl.nu/8tge
  Replies (6) Good night (2238) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?

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  (210): Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting? http://tfl.nu/he3z
  Replies (6) Good night (1140) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?

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  (914): She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable? http://tfl.nu/73t2
  Replies (4) Good night (2608) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic

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  (862): woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic http://tfl.nu/zfxf
  Replies (5) Good night (2230) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.

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  (262): I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole. http://tfl.nu/sdc1
  Replies (9) Good night (1802) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1697) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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  (781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47
  Replies (2) Good night (1021) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2521) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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  (978): Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman. http://tfl.nu/t3af
  Replies (2) Good night (933) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Was I asleep on the ride home?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.

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  (512): Was I asleep on the ride home? (1-512): Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq2f
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures

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  (309): Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures http://tfl.nu/7kml
  Replies (9) Good night (797) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER

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  (651): YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER http://tfl.nu/3hsg
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (206)

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