My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
