Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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