Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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