**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
