How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
