So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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