i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
