I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.†\nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
