I just saw a hot homeless man
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
