Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
