Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
