we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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