Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
