Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
