I wish I only lived at night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
