You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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