you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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