It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
