it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
