So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
