Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
