my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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