How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
