i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
