I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
