due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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