Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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