I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
