if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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