she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
