I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
