uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
