worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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