It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
