thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
